In Her Loving Memories

It was Thursday evening when mom called us. She was weeping while trying to speak as clearly as she can. Its hard for her to accept the fact her mother,our lola will not stay too long that night. Lola was the strongest woman I'd ever met. She had a stroke in the year October 2004 i think, that's why i didn't celebrated my 17th birthday. She deteriorates every second of it. It really hurts me to see her like that. But despite her sickness, she managed to live long enough to see us grow up. I still remember how she proudly says i do look like her in her youth - her nose,her color,everything about her.

When we were young,ken and i would always quarrel and we would ran around lola to protect me. She would scold me for fighting with my little brother but i never experienced 'palo-palo sa pwet'. I remembered clear enough,we had suso for dinner ( i think,but i loved that) how she would let the 'suso' come out because i cant. Then i would eat it. I loved drinking in her white plastic cup. The five of us will sleep and get confi in lola's bed every night. And she would get angry when someone pees on her blanket the morning.

But as we grow up, everyone has their own things to do -school and work. She always do the household at home even though she can only use her left side. She would always fall and hurt herself thats why we always look after her. She would shout and have someone to help her up. Mother bought her wheelchair and it was a good help. Ate Madel was the one who took cared enough for her;bathe,feed and stroll her around the garden. When ate left,i was the one who strolled her everytime i visit home from school every week. Alma and Jen were her caretakers.

As time passed by,she was just there,laying in bed,she cant speak nor move her whole body. But her left hand was strong. It was the only way she can communicate with us. Every time i went home from school, i would tell her stories about things that happened around. I know she's listening while i stroke her hair until she fell asleep. But when im done to do some stuffs,its hard for me to let go of her hands because she was holding it tight. I'll gently let it go but i'll turn around so it wont hurt to see her reach for me,like calling me 'wag mo ako iwan'.

The last gift i gave her was the peach colored towel and a soap last Mother's day. I like giving her hair brush,photo frame,hair clips and cards before when she was able to read. I always give gifts to her during birthday but this January,i don't know how i will be able to celebrate her birthday.

Last night, ate and i prayed the rosary after hearing the news about lola's condition. I was mumbling as i pray. I cant help but think of her every seconds i pray. Then, it was late night ate woke me up saying 'weths, wala na si lola'. the same message i received from dad. I trembled as i hold my rosary and whispered her name. I know this will happen. How i wish i could spend my last Christmas with her. It so hard to accept the fact that she will be gone forever. I felt guilt i cant be there to see her, to hug her, to say how much i love her. But it will be a relieved she wouldn't suffer anymore..

Our beloved grandmother, Aquilina Mendoza Anonuevo (1927-2008), died 4am Dec.19 2008 at the age of 81. She will and always be treasured in our hearts. She will be our angel. Paalam, mahal na mahal ka po nmin lola.. T___T