Monday, May 6, 2013


If you find this post a bit long and full of words, don't waste your time reading it. This post has been sitting in the Draft section for a while thinking if it would be wise enough to share a piece of my private life. Well, a life like anybody else..

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My life is disorganized. Some people would tell me "oh you live a perfect life!". That's a lie.  Complete life. Nobody's perfect. I would sit down quietly and think of where I am right now. It's like a bloated suitcase with loads of people in it. I try to carry them but I can't. It's to much to bare anymore. I would think they wouldn't notice, neither did I. But slowly, after figuring and focusing what really matters most.. my family. I love my family. And I would do anything for them. They might not know that I care, but it hurts deep inside just knowing if something's going wrong.

I've been living away for 5 years now and been used to having a holiday to be a non-family holiday kind -of. My parents have been flying back and forth from the Philippines just to see and spend couple of months with us, seeing how we're doing and stuff. And it's like we're kids again. My mom makes the best cook, and my dad is always a great company. I slowly miss them just by typing this. Currently, my dads back in the ph while my mom has a couple of days left staying with us before she heads back home to see dad. They're like in a long distance relationship. She misses him so much. They never fail to skype or talk to each other every single day. There would come a time that my mom would be so worried because my dad wouldn't reply to her texts. And that worries me too. What if something bad happened to him? And all that violent thoughts came bugging me. Good thing, we have couple of helpers who take care of my dad while he's left in the ph. He's 57 now. He pretty much needs someone to watch over him. My mom would always like to be there for him. They love each other so much.

Me and my bf were watching Iron Man 2 downstairs when my mom sneaks in from the dark stairs and called me to come to her room. I was clueless what it was, hoping she'll not gonna ask Matt again to go home because it's past 10pm (he always goes home before midnight when he comes visit). Anyhow, it wasn't the case. My mom had her worried face again. However, there would be a second guess though, and I was praying in my thought that hoping nothing bad happened to my dad. This time, that was the case. My dad had his blood drawn from a hospital for check up (he stated that he ate a rotten soy bean causing him fever and stomach ache), but his doctor would want to rule out a Dengue, an infectious viral disease known for tropical countries like the Philippines. But his platelet level got my mom worried. He still is in a normal level but if his platelet level would go down lower he might need a blood transfusion. I am a nurse. I've been dealing with a lot of those kind of stuff in the hospital. But one thing that made me think about it was 'how come it is such a big deal when it comes to my own family?' I was thinking 'i graciously hope it's not something related to our family history of cancer. I hate that word. And plus, his continuous lose of weight (and thinning) made me a little worried even though he was advised to lose some weight. Please God. Let him be ok.

Not only does that worries me now. My parents are the most understandable people I've ever known in my entire life. They had surpassed supporting my older brother's college tuitions taking and failing the same course for 10 years or so. Thank God for he finally finished this year. I know my parents needed money for their retirement and for their business in the ph. And they have people who they wanted to help from poverty.


Our Christmas came. But it was painful when my grandma Jessie died soon after she celebrates it with us (2011). I miss her, so is my lola Aquilina (2008) and lolo nestor (2012).

BUT I'm lucky enough to have my family surrounding me. Lucky enough to have something to eat, to live in, and someone to talk to (God). Realizing how unperfect my life is makes it defiantly meaningful.

You see, blood is thicker than water. I love my family. I can't afford to lose any more of them.  Life is like a suitcase. You have your family, your friends, your work, everyone. You just have to carry it everywhere you go. But if it get's heavier and heavier, you just have to let go..

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